The Training Myth

"A MASTER CAN TEACH A SLAVE ALL THEY NEED TO KNOW ABOUT SURRENDER."

This myth persists in part because there is a common belief that since many kinky people switch back and forth across the Master/slave role boundary, the best teacher a slave could have would be a good Dominant who also has enjoyed submission. It has become my opinion that this is not necessarily true, and furthermore, is probably rarely true. Switching is fine for those who enjoy it and do so by honest desire rather than because of circumstance, so what follows is not intended to be critical of those who switch. While switching is good for having fun, I don't think that doing so is always automatically helpful for slave education when a person who is a switch is in his "Master head." 

To begin with, good teaching skills do not automatically come with being a Dominant or Master, switch, slave or anything else for that matter. Second, for those who switch, the information about and experience with submission may be insufficient in either quantity or quality to be of much use at all. Third, and most important, even when there is adequate experience with submission, it is not at all clear that switches take all the information from one role with them into the other role during a scene. Or, that when they do take information back and forth across the Dominant/submissive role boundary, they do so mostly from the neck up, it’s intellectualized in their minds rather than felt in their hearts or guts-and therefore only somewhat useful. Put differently, when we switch into the other role (whichever), we may take some of the information with us, but not the passion, which we must leave behind in order to perform honestly in the new role. I earnestly doubt that it is possible to be in two "passion" places or headspaces at the same time and still do a very good job. 

I have come to believe that those who switch must become "their other selves," so to speak, and relocate their passion into the new role. Those who can't or won't do this almost guarantee forfeiture of the opportunity to establish a powerful and meaningful connection to their partners during the scene. I suspect that this may be because the information about a role only really comes to life when it is coupled with that role's passion-without that passion to bring it to life, the information is just lifeless data, and thus, only partially useful for slave education-like instant coffee without water. So, when we find someone who is truly slave-identified deciding to top someone as Master for the night, the "fire" just isn't there unless the "slave" passion can be set aside (which is very difficult to do), and the Master passion found somewhere within, then brought out into full bloom. Otherwise, the encounter is likely to be flat, technical and unsatisfying for both players. Or worse, those who are really slave identified and force themselves to top (without passion) for various reasons can find themselves playing from an angry or hostile place, perhaps jealous of the bottom and unconsciously wishing to punish him-violence and not SM is the most likely outcome in these instances. Many of us have heard about such scenes, and the results can sometimes be flat at best, or truly ugly in the worst instances, for both players. 

To teach a slave more about submission, especially the subtle refinements and internal processes of deep submission, then the teacher must first feel the deep passion of submission itself, and have some understanding of the process behind the feelings. And the teaching must be done from that passion. It is unreasonable to expect such teaching from Dominant Master types, and it is unreasonable of them to expect it of themselves. And, it is unreasonable to expect it from switches who likely don't possess great teaching skills and may not even know much about the more elaborate backwaters of submission themselves. This situation is all the more true for Dominants/Masters who do not switch. These men usually know even less about submission, except perhaps that they don't enjoy it themselves! Most of the non-switching Masters I have spoken with honestly about these things report that they are at least somewhat mystified by submissives, and can not understand why we enjoy submission, or, more importantly, how we do it. It therefore stands to reason that information about surrender from such as these is guesswork or hearsay at best, and just plain mistaken at worst. Gradually, I have come to believe that most such Masters want "already up-to-speed" slaves who they don't have to invest very much time in trying to train into submission or explain much more than how they like their laundry folded and eggs cooked. Although I know there are occasional exceptions, my experience has been that, as a group, Masters are not much into delayed gratifications they want what they want, when they want it. And they want it "on time, in time, every time," so to speak, with a minimum of fuss and attitude. These are guys who like getting their own way, after all. Furthermore, to many Masters, "training" means nothing more to them than issuing orders, and making corrections in our compliance. It feels good to us when we hear orders because orders tell us what they want to happen, but orders and corrections are only the jumping-off point in the submission process. Masters can tell us to "obey," but are usually at a loss to explain to us how or where we are to reach down inside and find it in ourselves to do so, especially when the orders bump up against our internal slave obstacles and encounter any internal reluctance. And so, when we fail or don't know how to follow where Masters lead, they become frustrated, disappointed and may even accuse us of not being "truly" submissive, or "dedicated" to our surrender, or of being insincere in our desire to submit. Blame from Masters is often accompanied by blame from inside ourselves as well, and we can sometimes begin to question our own legitimacy as slaves or even the notion of slavery itself. And so, when this happens, situactions fall apart, and nobody feels good. No big surprise. 

I remember a novice Master asking me during a scene, "Do ya wanna touch my big hard cock?" I instantly felt confused. I remember answering, "Only if that will pleasure you, Sir." It was not what he wanted to hear, and he was momentarily confused himself. So, hopefully, we learn. Additionally, very few people, Masters or slaves, have much, if any, information at all about pain processing (thanks for the phrase, Mr. Bean). When Dominants/Masters want to apply body stress (a Cynthia Slater phrase intended to be an alternative to "pain") to slaves to satisfy their sadistic pleasure appetites, presumably they want us to deal with it in ways that permit them to continue until they choose to stop. And "dealing with it" depends on the skills possessed by the bottom. How likely is it that very many Masters are going to be very knowledgeable here? These skills are the province of skilled bottoms, slaves, and masochists, and such skills are best learned from those who have them: other slaves who use them, understand how they work, and can teach them to others. Regrettably, the situation is made even more complicated and confused by the fact that very few of us are lucky enough to quickly find these skills within ourselves early on during our slaving without benefit of much direct explanation from others. These rare slave creatures are called, "naturals," but for the majority of those who aspire to deep slavery, these abilities must either be learned by long-term trial and error, or go unlearned altogether. Sadly, the existence of these naturals in the world create the illusion that unless it "comes naturally," one is somehow irreparably flawed as a slave, or as a Master, for that matter. The myth that Masters can teach slaves all we need to know about submission is especially troublesome because it encourages aspiring slaves to believe that they can learn nothing that will be useful about surrender without first being selected by a Master for "training." And so, deciding to honor the impassioned call of slavery, novice slaves undertake so-called "training" experiences with Masters or those claiming to be interested in Mastery. These early experiences tend to be frightening or unsatisfying or both. The expectations of both men are usually twisted into strange and unworkable shapes by the influences of the training mythology. Thanks to this myth, problems also arise in the minds of Masters. This is most often true of the novices. They often feel inadequate because they know they have only limited information about submission. Masters or wannabe Masters might, for example, want the kitchen organized and food prepared, but have only the vaguest clues about how these things are really done. A famous Master of my acquaintance whose slave died not long ago lamented to me that he has not had really excellent coffee in the mornings since that death. Masters can distinguish good cock suckers from great ones, but are usually at a loss to explain how that difference is achieved. Or, for an even more exotic example, how it is that a slave makes mental and or spiritual contact with his butt hole without drugs such that it will open to admit a fist or more. Admittedly, there are some Masters who possess such information, but, in my experience, most Masters don't know much about these things, don't want to know much, and don't think they should have to know these things. None of this is a criticism of Masters, merely a description of how I have perceived them to be as an entire group.

One of the great ironies in all of this is that the training myth is often responsible for impeding both Masters and slaves in the refinement of their respective callings. Masters who feel insecure with their abilities because of their ignorance about submission, or for other reasons, will often seek an inexperienced slave or a slave wannabe as a partner. This allows the insecure Master to hide his ignorance from the slave and be impressive. The ironic part is that such Masters will be more likely to grow as a result of their experiences with already skilled slaves because they will see how a well- developed slave functions, and thus, learn how to be selfish-how to use us for their pleasure. Likewise, novice slaves will learn more at the feet of experienced and knowledgeable Masters than at the feet of novice Masters. The training myth works to keep novice Masters with novice slaves instead of serving to pair players of opposite skill-levels from whom beginner have the most to learn. In this way, those most need of exposure to skilled players are least likely to make the right connections and grow into their respective callings as Master and slave. It is the genius of Masters to take pleasure from using us in various ways as their moods and needs dictate; it is the genius of slaves to receive pleasure in being useful in the widest possible variety of ways. It is up to Masters to know what pleasures they want, not how we can deliver-that is our job. When they do happen to understand the deeper dynamics of submission, that is a bonus, but to me, it seems unwise to count on it. Therefore, it is up to us to do the most we can to develop ourselves into the ultimate pleasure toys and tools for them; I believe we owe this to them. It is our slave capacity to provide pleasure and be otherwise useful that can possibly earn us a place in their world. The only way to be kept on in that role is to keep up with their appetites for pleasure and be useful.

Love, if it happens, is not usually enough to ensure that we'll be kept around-sooner or later, their appetites will demand feeding. Having said all this, the plan for the forthcoming essays is to illuminate the processes by which the skills necessary for deep surrender to a Master can be acquired. I will offer information about a philosophy of surrender and the specific tools for submission that grow out of that philosophy, and attempt to explain how they work. Although I have said this in the previous essay, I must again point out that these ideas have worked well for me and that they have helped me in my quest for the bliss of slavery. They are the road map I use today, and they well agree with the Master of the home where I am currently permitted to live and serve. These ideas are offered in the hope that they can help others find the same sorts of pleasures that have come to me, and prevent others from wasting any more time, because: Wasted time is wasted passion.